I'm drive I can fine osifer
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
