Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
