how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
