Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
