Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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