I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize