If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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