Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
