I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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