either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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