Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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