I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize