He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
