I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
