Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
