Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
