i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize