a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
