The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
