he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
try to milk me bitch
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
