if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i drank out of a bidet.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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