I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
