ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
