4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i think i scared a bird with my dick
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
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