Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
