i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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