Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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