I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize