the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
