Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
