he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
