I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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