if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
