And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
