You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
