Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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