I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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