i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize