YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
