You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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