I'm really into asian looking animals
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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