LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
