He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
What a dumb baby whore.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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