I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
