I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
