Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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