So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
