I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
