I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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