Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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