gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
