Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
