i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
