Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
