I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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