As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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