I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
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