It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My dick has a subreddit
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
