My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
