pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
