Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
