My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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