I think I am morally bankrupt
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
someone owes me an orgasm
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
