I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
