I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
