Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize