Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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