I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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