Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
This is the prime rib incident all over again
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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