I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
