i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
