I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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