he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
