No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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