Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dignity is for republicans.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
