morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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