arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
