I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
