The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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