OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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