you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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