PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
