i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize