dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
