I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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