at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
