Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
