I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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