He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
