now i know why i became what i already was.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize